God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
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