he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
