At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
