we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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