Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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