I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
