you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
4 words: hood of his car
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
