someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
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