I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Every concussion has its silver lining
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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