GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
