I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just invented taco cereal.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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