my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Ladies don't puke and tell
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
