i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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