Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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