The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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