Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
