I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
