this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
