Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
