Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
