watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
