Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
