i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
