Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
