His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
