this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
