I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
