We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
