You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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