Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
