Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
