Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
ttyl tear gas
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
