I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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