i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
