his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
