I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
