when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
