not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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