Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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