i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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