Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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