TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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