You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you will always have a special place in my vag
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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