you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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