you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
