my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
