is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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