Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
So apparently I’m into choking now
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
