I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
