I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
