I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
