Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
